My friends and I at work and at home started collecting amusing quotes we either heard or spoke. i had been keeping a list on paper and in my palm, but i have decided to digitize and post them to my website. check back on this page for updates. the most recent will be at the bottom. –Megami
- “Please tell me you’re not putting wings on a cucumber” questioned M. “I’m not, I’m giving it and aerial guidance system.” replied E.
- “He just poked a smack of cigarettes.” said T in amazement at the magician
- “Is this where we pick up our kids?” asked a dance mom. “If you want to take them home” replied T.
- “There ain’t much more than nothing else” announced a drunken D
- “I thought I was the other spot” stated R
- “On the weekends they are open 24/7″ spoke a serious R
- “You don’t need to be able to hear to see” argued E
- “–And then you fry it in lard!” broke in the other M
- “We need more ass stage right!” hollered the crew
- “I don’t feel like arguing” stated R while arguing with E about arguing
- “My shirt smells like chicken” interjected N
- “Its bad when my brain starts thinking on its own” warned E
- “E you need some direction… Or a dictionary” stated a frustrated R
- “Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism” announced D on the way to the bar
- “Red is one because it has the same number of letters as ‘one’. And green is two because it doesn’t” explained D regarding microphone labeling
- “… so i hypnotize the audience– OW! my ass fell asleep.” exclaimed E
- “I want to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving” announced H on February 13th
- “Why don’t you call us KFC and eat me!” exclaimed an angry K
- “What is the difference between God and a sound guy? God doesn’t think he’s a sound guy.” joked C from LV
- “Stop wasting air!” exclaimed a frustrated E
- “I can pee from the grid” offered T
- “I am well aware of everything” stated E
- “If you screw it up now, you screw it up purple” said M
- “For our first piece, Chairs in A major” described C
- “That email thing with Strongdick and Homostargazer” stammered D
- “I thing I’m going to like this Herb” said D as he (mis)quoted a line from JBJ
- “Quantum ice-fishing and macro-cooking in God time” described D
- “Now that we are really sharing this intimate moment of bonding, I need to let you know … I really… really.. fucking hate you” said T to E
- “You know there is such a thing as coupons, you don’t have to sleep with the guy.” explained JS
- “Marriage is like a toaster, it makes bread hot” stated E
- “That should not be working! you have it hooked wrong” exclaimed K
- “What are you doing up past your bedtime? Better yet what are you doing at the bar?” D questioned the 6 year old wandering past the stage
- “11 is the new 9 of thirties” said a drunk and or tired J
- “If you spill soup in the heater… It will stay warm” explained D
- “The opposite of a cute little girl is not a race car… Its an elephant” stated a tired J
- “I don’t use doors.” stated A
- “Do you know whats been on your stove?” queried E. “Well I cooked it. That tasted fine, well it tasted a little shrimpy, eww, it tasted a little old” responded J as he ate a spilled chocolate chip.
- “I can troubleshoot a LOT but i can not troubleshoot ’stupid’,” exclaimed E.
- “Honey, that’s more than dyslexia, that’s stupid,” stated C in response to the comment “I misread ‘Associate of Science Degree’ as ‘[Assumed] Alcott Walrus’,” by E.
- “You don’t know when it’s coming, but its coming. Right now, it’s coming right now… it may be coming later, later,” declared E [further explanation coming later, later]
- “I got tuna in my shoe,” exclaimed E.
- “I don’t know. Can you imagine a big metal bar? It’s like a pipe but its filled,” unnecessarily explained J
- “I’m not drunk, if you just focus” argued J
- “I wear pants Monday through Friday and sometimes on special occasions” stated J
- “The door knob was weilding a fork— What are you a motherfucking cop? Stitch me up!” exclaimed M
- “I’m not sure if the Welsh have shoes?” queried M
- “Face facts T, the phone was clearly in her boyfriend’s penis,” stated E matter of factly