My friends and I at work and at home started
collecting amusing quotes we either heard or spoke. I had been
keeping a list on paper and in my phone, but I have decided to
digitize and post them to my website. Check back on this page for
updates. the most recent will be at the bottom. –Megami
- “Please tell me you’re not putting wings on a
cucumber” questioned M. “I’m not, I’m giving it and aerial guidance
system.” replied E. - “He just poked a smack of
cigarettes.” said T in amazement at the magician - “Is this where we pick up our kids?” asked a dance mom.
“If you want to take them home” replied T. - “There ain’t much more than nothing else” announced a
drunken D - “I thought I was the other spot”
stated R - “On the weekends they are open 24/7″
spoke a serious R - “You don’t need to be able
to hear to see” argued E - “–And then you fry
it in lard!” broke in the other M - “We need
more ass stage right!” hollered the crew - “I
don’t feel like arguing” stated R while arguing with E about
arguing - “My shirt smells like chicken”
interjected N - “Its bad when my brain starts
thinking on its own” warned E - “E you need some
direction… Or a dictionary” stated a frustrated R - “Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism” announced
D on the way to the bar - “Red is one because it
has the same number of letters as ‘one’. And green is two because
it doesn’t” explained D regarding microphone labeling - “… so i hypnotize the audience– OW! my ass fell
asleep.” exclaimed E - “I want to wish everyone
a happy thanksgiving” announced H on February 13th - “Why don’t you call us KFC and eat me!” exclaimed an
angry K - “What is the difference between God
and a sound guy? God doesn’t think he’s a sound guy.” joked C from
LV - “Stop wasting air!” exclaimed a frustrated
E - “I can pee from the grid” offered
T - “I am well aware of everything” stated
E - “If you screw it up now, you screw it up
purple” said M - “For our first piece, Chairs in
A major” described C - “That email thing with
Strongdick and Homostargazer” stammered D - “I
thing I’m going to like this Herb” said D as
he (mis)quoted a line from JBJ - “Quantum
ice-fishing and macro-cooking in God time” described D - “Now that we are really sharing this intimate moment of
bonding, I need to let you know … I really…
really.. fucking hate you” said T to
E - “You know there is such a thing as coupons,
you don’t have to sleep with the guy.” explained JS - “Marriage is like a toaster, it makes bread hot” stated
E - “That should not be working! you have it
hooked wrong” exclaimed K - “What are you doing
up past your bedtime? Better yet what are you doing at the bar?” D
questioned the 6 year old wandering past the stage - “11 is the new 9 of thirties” said a drunk and or tired
J - “If you spill soup in the heater… It will
stay warm” explained D - “The opposite of a cute
little girl is not a race car… Its an elephant” stated a tired
J - “I don’t use doors.” stated A
- “Do you know whats been on your stove?” queried E. “Well
I cooked it. That tasted fine, well it tasted a little shrimpy,
eww, it tasted a little old” responded J as he ate a spilled
chocolate chip. - “I can troubleshoot a LOT but
i can not troubleshoot ‘stupid’,” exclaimed E. - “Honey, that’s more than dyslexia, that’s stupid,” stated
C in response to the comment “I misread ‘Associate of Science
Degree’ as ‘[Assumed] Alcott Walrus’,” by E. - “You don’t know when it’s coming, but its coming. Right
now, it’s coming right now… it may be coming later, later,”
declared E [further explanation coming later,
later] - “I got tuna in my shoe,”
exclaimed E. - “I don’t know. Can you imagine a
big metal bar? It’s like a pipe but its filled,” unnecessarily
explained J - “I’m not
drunk, if you just focus” argued J - “I wear pants Monday through Friday and sometimes on
special occasions” stated J - “The door knob was
weilding a fork— What are you a motherfucking cop? Stitch me up!”
exclaimed M - “I’m not sure if the Welsh have
shoes?” queried M - “Face facts T, the phone was
clearly in her boyfriend’s penis,” stated E matter of
factly - “Can we get that cleaned up? Music stands, xylophones, whatever…”, asked D
- “I can’t tell if that’s a wizard or a penguin”, mused E
- “Wizards and brides… Same deal”, stated M
- “And it smells like you just fingered a cupcake”, explained J