Well it is a new yer now. i would like to say that i have high hopes for things to be different and better this year but i had those hopes last year and nothing happened. NOT FOR MY LACK OF TRYING THOUGH!! i am just becoming more and more bitter every year. i don’t want to andi hate feeling this way, but i think this is the price i pay when the only emotion i can channel is sadness. all i want this year is to feel happy, just once. for most of my chilehood i locked away all my emotions. “why feel anything when you just get burned?” i thought. but then i met a girl, who i liked, in highschool who ended up going to my college, i realized that i i was to have any chance with her i couldn’t go on in this frozen state. so i let the genie out of the lamp. i was good for a few months until i had my hear ripped out, then i got very depressed. i have leveled out since then though all i feel is negative emotions. i now know that even feeling bad is better than not feeling at all, but i don’t know how much longer i can hold onto that idea. what i need to find this year is someone who can help me save myself.
i am too young to be this bitter… this is not healthy. i wish i wasn’t so introverted. in my own disturbed mind is probably not the best place to meet new people. well at least people i can have a healthy relationship with.
so yea… in conclusion ladies and jellyspoons, i hold no expectations for this year but i will try to better myself. after all with no expectations you can have no dissapointments. and i hope everyone out there has a good year, nothing is as bad as it seems in your own mind. (i just wish i could follow my own advice .)
New year, different shit?